


Alter Egos Against Humanity

by Skaiaa



Series: The other side of the screen [2]
Category: Youtube RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Do Not Corrupt The Jims, I think that's all of the ones I used?, The Jims play Apples to Apples instead, The androids aren't allowed to play games where you have to think for yourself, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 00:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13329450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaiaa/pseuds/Skaiaa
Summary: Mark has been dropping by the Egos Inc lately, and, after reconciliation with his oldest muses, decides it's time to play some games and record some videos with his characters to bond. What better game to play than Cards Against Humanity?The answer? Literally any other game.





	Alter Egos Against Humanity

When Dark and the creator had entered the room, Wilf raised a brow, both Jims in a headlock as Bim explained to the camera what was going on, watching his reflection, amused as he fixed his hair. Google Blue sighed, sitting next to his brothers, watching Bing make an absolute fool of himself skateboarding in the background as Mark immediately broke off to wrestle the Jim twins from Wilford’s arms, grunting, annoyed as the two innocent Egos squeaked in Dark’s presence, flailing and hitting him in their haste to get away.

“Ow-! Jim, Jim, fUCK, BOTH OF YOU, STOP!”

Dark chuckled, which caused the two to freak out even more, yanking themselves free and stumbling back, crashing into Bing and sending his board flying across the room, which Google Blue caught easily, before tossing it behind him anyway and into the trash can. Bing let out an indignant noise as he rushed after it.

Mark rubbed his cheek and went to try to pacify them all, exasperated as he stole Wilford’s gun and tossed it away, jumping as a round shot into the wall.

“Did you seriously forget the safety,” Bim remarked, rolling his eyes as Warfstache laughed.

“Great example you’re setting for the little ones,” the pink ego chortled and Mark groaned.

“Who even won?” their creator diverted quickly, checking the damage the bullets had caused.

“Well, Oliver and his brothers ain’t allowed to play, since they’re androids,” Bing said, wiping down his board and tucking it under his arm. “Same with me.”

“Wilford came in and started raising hell. It was quite exciting,” Bim recalled, smiling.

“Who had the most?”

“That would’ve been Dr.Iplier.”

“Wait, seriously?”

The doctor grinned, crossing his arms before displaying his vast amount of black cards.

“Indeed.”

Mark let out an impressed whistle and went to check the camera feed. It was a gamble, leaving the equipment out where it could be fucked with, even turned off, but they had left it just fine when he went to gather his eldest Egos.

He paused, looking around before tilting his head and counting everyone in the room, puzzled.

“Hey...Where’s King?”

“King fell from the ceiling, where he had been balancing on a wooden beam holding the roof in place, displacing the entire game,” Host said suddenly.

No one really had time to comprehend what was just said before King crashed down onto the table as had been predicted, scaring just about everyone but Host, seeing as he had seen it ahead of time. 

Mark yelped. Dark glitched backward out of the way, pressed against the wall, startled. Wilford had a gun aimed at the adventurous Ego. The Google quadruplets stared boredly at the displaced cards slipping over the table and onto the floor. Bing had lagged, missing part of the action before responding, very delayed, shrieking after a minute. Bim’s fake microphone had gone flying and he, himself, looked like a fluffed cat. Dr. Iplier had actually fallen out of his seat, and the Jim Twins were clinging to each other, screeching.

“Ow- Sorry, didn’t mean to actually do that. I was trying to get Rudy, my squirrel, y’know? I slipped.

“Charming,” Dark said stiffly.

Wilford raised a brow but eventually put the gun back in his pocket after uncocking it.

“Your face is covered in peanut butter again, chap.”

“Huh?”

King felt his cheek before remembering why he was like that and laughing, wiping it off on his shirt.

“Oh, that’s for my subjects! They gotta eat, too.”

“That’s disgusting,” Bim said simply.

Mark picked up the cards after helping King up and off the table, turning off the camera before checking the footage again, skimming through it easily and deciding he could use it, even if only for bloopers.

“Okay, is that everyone who wants to play?” Mark asked, setting the camera back up again and starting the recording after he was sure it wouldn’t overheat.

“I think that’s a very vast amount of people,” Dr.Iplier explained mirthlessly, wiping off the table where King had been.

“Okay, so I have an idea. Since Goog and Bing-boy couldn’t play with us before, I was thinking maybe we could let them join in this round? I just wanna see what would happen if they had to think for themselves.”

“Oh, haha, I forgot you need admin controls,” Bing taunted.

All four Googles turned to face Bing at once, like part of a routine.

“If we had admin controls, you’d be terminated,” they all said at once.

“Oooooookaaaaaaaaay- Maybe you guys just shouldn’t ever be around people,” Mark said, retracing his steps and taking back what he had said before, walking away from the androids on the opposite couch.

“I, personally, would love to see them tear each other apart,” Dark said simply, sitting, crossing his ankles and resting his hands in his lap.

“You also want to watch the world burn,” Mark countered.

“That is true.”

*  
Wilford laughed and plopped down next to his friend.

“Okay, so what are we playing?”

“Cards Against Humanity, isn’t that right?” Dark questioned.

“Well, I mean, playing with Bim and Dr. Iplier was pretty good, but I wanna see what you two got,” Mark admitted as he pat the Jim twins on the head, handing them Apples to Apples and Sorry, watching them wander off to the other side of the room with the Androids and King. Bing immediately joined them, and the Googles observed until the yellow one snuck into the game, doing his own thing, and the rest followed suit.

Bim and Dr.Iplier set up the game, Mark having decided he would be the czar to begin with, to give the others a chance to show what they’d be doing.

“Alright, lemme see what we’ve got.” Mark grabbed his card and read it out before setting it on the table and leaning back. “Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of blan-.”

Dark put his card down almost immediately and Mark raised a brow, only getting a shrug as an answer.

“At least let me finish saying blank, you eager beaver.”

“He’s overeager about everything,” Wilford teased, laughing as he was elbowed in the gut by his oldest friend before setting his card down, the two others following suit.

Mark flipped a card and his face immediately contorted.

Dark grinned and Wilford chuckled.

Mark took a breath and continued.

“Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of randomly sodomizing people on the streets.” The creator put a hand to his face and groaned, scrubbing at his face, “Jesus, fuck, nooooooo, I can actually imagine that.”

Bim made a face, shrugging and waving Mark to continue.

“Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of the ancient tradition of trial by combat. Oh.”

Dark raised a brow and looked at Wilford, who held up his hands in mock surrender.

“Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of p-” Mark burst into laughter before continuing. “Pity sex.”

“Oh, well, if that’s supposed to be curative, it’s surprising you’re always in the hospital,” Dr.Iplier said.

“Hey!”

“That would require him actually getting laid,” Bim replied.

“Wha- HEY!”

“Your right hand doesn’t count, bud,” Wilford taunted.

“Although it is rather pitiful,” Dark ended.

“What the fuck?! Is this team up on Mark day?”

“Kinky,” Bing called from the other side of the room.

“Shut up, Bing!”

“Just read the last card,” Dr.Iplier said with a wave of his hand.

“You guys are assholes,” Mark said with a small pout before flipping the final card and reading it. “Alrightyyyy, Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of Motherfucking Cthulhu...I hate to say it, but Pity Sex wins.”

Dark snapped his fingers and everyone’s cards were stacked up, as to not tell who had what, although he now had the black card, which made Mark weary. That means one of the other three had the first card.

“Okay, that was a shitty round.”

Dark shrugged and Wilford chuckled as he saw where the Black card was.

“Really, Dames, pity sex?”

“I know my audience.”

“Just no more voodoo shit this time,” Bim said, rolling his eyes.

“Are you sure you want me to let them know who all had what card?” Dark challenged.

Bim grew quiet, reading his cards.

“Exactly.”

“Dark, stop scaring Bim.”

The demon rolled his eyes.

“I take it I go now?”

“Yeah, then Wilf, and so on and so forth.”

“Got it.”

Dark grabbed a black card, reading it over.

“Oh, that’s...Amusing.”

Wilford looked over, snickering and Mark leaned over to try and see it as well, huffing when Dark pulled the card to his chest in defiance.

“Just read it.”

“Fine..How did I lose my virginity?”

Mark and the others shuffled through his cards and it took a few minutes for all the cards to be placed down, Dark with his eyes shut, so he wouldn’t see who placed what where.

“Alright, you can look,” Mark said.

Dark opened his eyes, reading and then flipping a card to add onto it with.

“How did I lose my virginity?...Road head. Eh, not the worst, at least,” Dark mumbled before continuing. “How did I lose my virginity? Self-loathing...Heh.” He cracked a smile and continued with the next two. “How did I lose my virginity? Making the penises kiss.” the Demon thought a moment before shrugging it off and reading the last card. “And lastly, how did I lose my virginity? Demonic Possession…” 

The Demon looked at the cards before choosing self-loathing, to which Wilford took the black card and the others stuck their white cards in the discard pile. Dark didn’t miss the fact Dr.Iplier had both the supposedly bad cards in a row as he placed Demonic Possession on top of Road Head and the next one, Mark having put down Road head, Bim the one after.

So, that’s how this was going to go.

“Alright, Wilford, your turn,” Mark explained, and the pinkstached man went to grab a black card, laughing, shaking Dark back into reality, his shell fading from an overwhelming amount of harsh red back to calming cyan.

“Try this on for size, buckos! “ Clearing his throat, Wilford spoke. “Fun tip! When your man asks you to go down on him, try surprising him with blank instead!”

*  
After half an hour, and a very close game, their creator was the victor, Dark and Dr.Iplier tied for second place, Wil and Bim only one card apart.

“Alright, I think that’s pretty good,” Mark said, getting up, looking over at the other group in the room, smiling as the other group was preoccupied. Even Bing and Google were getting along, and King was allowed to play with them too, which made him oddly happy. Maybe he’d design King a friend one day.

“Can I go back to reading now?” Dark asked boredly.

“I mean, I guess? I was gonna play the don’t laugh challenge with you guys next, but you don’t really have a sense of humor, so, sure?”

“He has a sense of humor if you get him drunk, Wilford piped up.

Dark smacked him upside the head and Wilford hit him right back.

“Stop fighting!”

The two straightened up, glaring.

“I thought you were friends?”

“We are,” they answered together, and it made Mark shiver slightly at how in sync the two could be at times.

“Then...Why did you hit each other?”

“Oh, that’s just how Dark shows affection.”

Mark recalled back to being smacked across the face earlier.

“Oh.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, I think I’m gonna pop off as well. This was nice, but the only time I’m actually okay with being in a room with all these goons is dinner, and there isn’t any food to distract ol’ Wilford Warfstache from the fact he wants to shoot about six people in here right now, so byyyyyeeeeee.”

Wilford teleported, leaving behind a large spray of pink glitter that rested on everything near him, including Darkiplier, who looked like an upset puppy, covered in pink glitter and glitching slightly.

Mark fought back laughter and Dark growled.

“Shut up!”

“You look so precious!”

“I am not precious, shut up!”

Mark burst into laughter and Dark teleported as well, leaving behind a puff of black smoke that faded quickly.

“Nice.”

Mark looked over at where Bing was holding the camera, having just caught all that on film.

“Alright, so what were we doing next?”

“Try not to laugh, if you guys want.”

“Depends, can the Googs and I play?”

“Yeah, just don’t try to kill each other.”

“Gotcha.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know I focus on Dark a lot. I'm sorry, but he is my child, and I love him, and HE DESERVED BETTER


End file.
